Why driving in Vientiane is EXCITING

Disclaimer: Understand that I may be using exciting as a substitute for scary, dangerous, and nerve-wracking...and sometimes I actually mean exciting! :)

 The Roads
The roads in Vientiane are unpredictable.  One minute they are smooth and drive-able, and the next they are full of potholes craters, some of which seem big enough to swallow my little car.  What's worse is, because of the ever present rain (in the rainy season) and the fairly poor manner in which the roads are constructed, potholes are formed literally over night.  One night of storms leaves 50 new holes in a what was a smooth road yesterday.  This includes both dirt roads and paved roads.  Sometimes, the ground beneath the concrete just gives out, and boom- pothole.

The Dogs
Stupid frickety-frakkin dogs.  This country (ok, this city, at least) is over-run with dogs.  I don't think they are all stray, in fact, I think most of them might have owners- BUT most of them are "free-range."  Dogs wander the streets like they own them.  They are cheeky and confident.  They stand in the middle of the road watching you approach, and you must swerve around them (never mind oncoming traffic!).  If you were to hit one, believe me, especially as a foreigner, you'd be expected to take care of it, pay the vet's bills, etc.  So it's not worth playing chicken with them- but let's just say, I've already wondered aloud what eats dogs, because this city could use a few dog-eaters on the streets.  There are cows too, but, so far I have never seen a cow IN THE ROAD, only grazing on the side of the road, so so far, I'm ok with the cows.

The Drivers
I don't know what it takes to get a Lao driver's license if you're Lao.  I'm assuming you might have to take classes or pass a test.  I'm not sure if most driver's have licenses or not.  But in any case, the basic rule of the road seems to be, "Do as you like, react to that which is in front of you, don't look back."  Drivers drive as fast or slow as they like, sometimes they drive on the wrong side of the road (often to avoid potholes), they stop to do road-side shopping by parking their car in the right lane of traffic *maybe* half pulled off the road.  The only thing you can count on from any driver here, is that you cannot count on anything.  

Stupid rules
There are a few roundabouts in town, which, most people will agree are useful traffic aids.  They help traffic move along at a generally faster clip than lights do.  BUT, the rule for roundabouts here is that you have the right of way to ENTER the roundabout, but once you are IN IT, you have to yield to those cars entering from the next entrance!  Yes, I know.  Really.  Yeah.  STUPID.  Basically, completely defeats the point of a roundabout.

Also, most main roads in Vientiane are 4 lanes- two headed in one direction, two going the other way.  All along these roads though, instead of having left turn lanes (except at a couple lights) they just have openings in the medians where you can either turn or do a u-turn- so you end up stopping or slowing down all traffic as you turn.  Also, because as far as I can tell, these spots are used to do u-turns more often than not, and the roads are not that wide, the car turning has to make a wide turn, thereby blocking their whole side of the road.

Because the general attitude on the road is a bit everyone for themselves, turning in general can be tricky.  To turn left across traffic, or to turn left onto a road from another road, you won't generally get any kind of assisted opening to do so.  What you have to do is slowly inch your way out, pushing the nose of your car further and further out, until the oncoming traffic has no choice but to stop and let you turn (as they react to what is in front of them, and don't look back).  But, if you perhaps are being slightly more cautious and looking for an actual break in the traffic (so sue me, I'm just not used to driving that aggressively, and I'm not opposed to sitting for 30 seconds waiting for a break in traffic!) people will just turn right behind you!  That is, they'll come up your left side, and just snake you- so of course, it always happens that you've just spotted that break in traffic, but the person behind you had to be impatient, so right as you are turning left, you almost turn into them!  Not cool!!!!

Lack of signage
They are quite a number of fairly busy intersections in Vientiane that simply don't have ANY traffic control on them! No stops signs, no yield signs, no lights, no NOTHING.  You just have to approach them slowly, evaluate, do the whole inch your nose out slowly, and then go and hope other cars yield to you.  I have to admit, my stomach always does a little clench when I get to these spots!

Parking and road-side shops
The curbs in Vientiane are painted all sorts of ways- red and black blocks, black and white blocks, solid yellow, solid red (I think).  I honestly don't know what they mean.  But mostly, it seems to me like people park wherever the heck they want.  On some roads people will just park on a busy road taking it from a two lane road, down to a one-laner.  But also what often happens is that shops either set up their merchandise all the way out on to the sidewalk, or sometimes they just set up right on the side of the road... so in spots where there used to be parking, there is now a store, so parking is pushed into traffic again, and roads are minimized down to one lane.  You get the picture.

Variety of vehicles/other things on the road
There are cars, trucks, semi-trucks, mopeds/motorcycles, bicycles, pedestrians, stupid freaking dogs, tuk-tuks, converted tractors and other farm equipment, and ice-cream carts as well as the local version of hot dog carts (I don't know what they sell exactly, but it's a moving food vendor) all on the road at the same time.  Add in the potholes, and OH BOY!  Add in again the amount of these drivers that choose to drive in the wrong direction and OH BOY OH BOY!  There is more to look out for than you can imagine.  

Lighting  
It gets dark in Vientiane between 6 and 7, so, inevitably, sometimes you have to drive in the dark.  I think most main roads have street lights, but, they vary in quality and brightness and being burnt out.  Smaller roads (like our road) have no street lights.  But that is what headlights are for right?  Well, yes, except add in all those various vehicles and pedestrians I mentioned before, many of whom don't have lights on their body/vehicle, and driving in the dark can often feel like.... well, driving in the dark, hoping you spot other road occupants before you hit them. Also, a lot of people here drive big trucks (whether pick up trucks or like heavy duty dump trucks and stuff) because of either the work they are doing or just because they handle the roads better, and because those cars sit higher, their headlights just shine RIGHT into my eyes while driving.  I am much like a deer in that I cannot look away and get blinded.  It is stupid.  The extra attention I have to pay to keeping my eyes on the road instead of staring into the light is stupid, and certainly makes for more dangerous driving!

Given all of these issues that make driving exciting, I'm nonetheless, glad to be doing it.  Driving yourself around has a sense of freedom that you can't get any other way in a city that doesn't have public transportation.  So I'm adjusting to driving a little crazier than I ever have- because believe it or not, this is the first foreign country I've ever driven in (well, except Canada, but that doesn't really count!).  I never had the opportunity to get behind the wheel in any of my other foreign posts- mostly because I never had a car available (especially because I don't know how to drive a stick).  So it's pretty cool for me to be a driver here.  I even have a Lao license.  All I had to do was turn in my American license for a day, and I got it plus the Lao one back the next day.  So I'm enjoying it, and every successful trip out boosts my confidence a bit more.  Finding my way around, not getting lost, and not getting in accidents are all highlights of most days. :)

What's the craziest place you've ever driven???