Stylish Blogger Award!

Liene over at Femme au Foyer awarded me with the Stylish Blogger Award for my parenting style!  What an honor!  Thanks, Liene!

Now, I've never thought of myself as stylish (in any way!), and I feel like I'm still fairly new to this parenting thing, but, I'll let you know what has gotten me where I am... My seven points of parenting style!

1. Parenting style has got to come down, first and foremost, to doing what feels right, and doing it with confidence.  I don't know where I got this confidence- maybe it grew out of wanting to be a mother for such a long time.  Whatever it was that built my confidence to mother, I have to credit said confidence with giving me any style I might have!

2. Beyond confidence there are some tools that lend to my style of parenting.  One of my favorite parenting tools, which helps keep my kid close, helps my kid experience the world from a nicer perspective, and keeps my hands free to get stuff done while still being close to my kid- it's the Ergo!  We got our Ergo as a hand me down, so we didn't have the choice in color (ours is black and maroon)- but ooooh....if I did... they have some lovely colors and patterns out now!  Go check it out! :)

3. A big part of my parenting style is about keeping my kid close- during the day and night.  Beni sleeps in a toddler bed next to our bed these days at the beginning of the night, and ends up in our bed at some point.  To keep your kid close at night, I highly recommend, first off all, getting a kind sized bed (yes, for real!), and also, maybe a co-sleeper.  We had the Original Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper when Beni was tiny.  I'll admit I wasn't actually that good about using it, because I liked her to be *right* next to me... but if you can't see yourself having your kid in your bed- get a co-sleeper.

4. A major reason to keep your kid close day and night?  To make breastfeeding easier!  For me, breastfeeding is far more than a way to feed my child- it is a parenting choice.  It is a promise to my child that I will be there for her, that I will offer her comfort, that she can count on me- that she can indeed depend on me- for nourishment, for love, for safety.  I was lucky enough to have an amazingly easy time of breastfeeding (still am!), and didn't need many props or aides.  But, a good nursing bra (Bravado Body Silk Seamless is my fave!) and some reusable nursing pads (Bamboobies are far more absorbent and invisible under clothes than any other pad I tried!) are great things to have!

5. An absolutely invaluable part of my parenting style (and probably something that contributes to my confidence) is surrounding myself with a supportive community.  I do this online (especially considering living abroad!), in person and through books.  Online I have joined several message boards, places where I can ask for help, offer help, and share stories of parenting in general.  In person, I have gone to La Leche League meetings (click the link, find a meeting near you!) and to a local natural birth/natural parenting group in my home town.  Through books I have found my greatest source of support, like-mindedness and good information in the Dr. Sears Library.  The Baby Book was my first Dr. Sears book, and where I fell in love.  The Vaccine Book gave me insight and helped me make informed decisions about which vaccines to get and when.  The Discipline Book and The Baby Sleep Book are helping me through some rough spots along the way.  Parenting can be a tough gig, and having people you can turn to to ask for help goes a long way- whether it is in person, online or in a book.

6.  I would not be able to do what I do, any of it, without the support of my husband.  We don't always agree on parenting paths- though we usually agree on the goal.  But, more often than not, he supports the choices I make, and walks along with me on whatever path I've chosen- even when it doesn't seem like the easiest way to go.

7.  The last piece of my parenting style can be none other than love.  I try in every decision I make, to keep love at the center of it.  When my 18 mos old is throwing a tantrum, or not sleeping, or not eating, or climbing on me for the 10th time in 10 minutes, I try (and honestly don't always succeed, I'm only human) to keep love in sight.  I try to remember that she is a little person, trying to find her way in a big world that can be scary, intimidating, and confusing.  When she's taken a seat on my last nerve, I try to pull back, turn some love on myself, and remember, that I too am only a person, not always able to stay in control.  When it feels like she needs more of me than I can give, or when I just don't know if I have what she needs.... I try to remember love.  Because in the end, at the heart of it all, love is probably what will get us through.                

Now... in the spirit of love... I pass on the Stylish Blogger Award to just one blogger whose style I admire!

Mook at Hello Latvia has got style (not just parenting, but like, for real).  I admire her strong sense of style, which is obvious and constant in her clothes, her home, her writing.  Here's to you, Mook!
 

October Break, part 1

OK, I know this is long overdue, and the truth is, I just don't have that much energy to put into doing these posts any justice.  So they will be mostly pictures.  

I will tell you- driving a few hours north in Lao was interesting.  I guess I'm just too used to good roads.  The roads between here and there were basically like the roads all over Vientiane- at times drive-able, at times, you feel like you might as well be off-roading.  I had to drive the whole way because there is no other way to do this drive other than a very jerky, start stop, go, go, slow down, brake hard for hidden potholes, etc... I get car sick, and it's especially the stop-start thing that gets me.  There was no hope for me on this ride, unless I was behind the wheel.  On the way home, Joel and I decided that our car would be just fine for a road trip "back home", but it is not cut out to road trip in Lao.  I can't even tell you how many times we bottomed out the car, how many times the shocks, or suspension, or whatever it is that is supposed to keep your ride smooth slammed loudly against itself, and seriously left me wondering if, like in a cartoon, our tires weren't just going to go rolling off in every direction.  But we made it, in one piece, without any issues- well, except a leaking air conditioner and a wet purse, but we handled that! 

Our first stop was a resort on a lake.  It's a new place, only open about 6 months.  This was evident in how nice and new the little bungalows were.  It was also evident in a few things that seemed just a touch lacking.  But, overall, it was a wonderful, peaceful, quiet place to be.  We enjoyed three days and nights seriously just chilling out.  It was good.   

So here is the story in pictures.  Enjoy! 

The view from our balcony.  Can't complain.  The terrain around Vientiane is very flat,
but we were sort of in the mountains where we were.  It was beautiful! 

More beautiful landscape

One of the big draws of this place was that they offered water sports including
jet-skis, wake boarding behind the jet-ski, and kite surfing.  This is a view of the town
from the jet-ski.  Joel and I took a sunset cruise around the lake that was very nice!

It was like a tropical Venice... 

The Blue Lagoon resort (where we stayed)

On the right is the restaurant/bar, and eating areas, on the left the bungalows

View of our bungalow from eating area.  

Gorgeous girl had a lovely time.  

The only complaint- the resort sits between the village and a main port the locals use.
This means lots of local boats went by in front of the resort every day- and they have VERY loud motors.
So loud the bungalows would vibrate and the babies would cry.  The resort is planning on fixing this. 

The eating area and dock from our balcony. 

See those shades in the distance.  That was the resort's beach.  It was ok.  Only problem?
No access to the water!  The beach had a wall of rocks surrounding it, which pretty much
dropped off within a few feet.  Worst part for us?  No easy water access for water babies!

Joel was in heaven getting to go wake boarding a couple times a day! 

My BIL and SIL going for a cruise on the jet-ski

The water was ok... except as I said, no area with a clean/sandy bottom.  I went in
once, and then got attacked by a tree/roots, and because we watch too many
cop shows, I was sure the tree would also be a dead body, and it cut me, so that was enough
for me.  Beni went swimming a couple times though, which was ok, because Joel held her the whole time. :) 

So, that is it!  That was the best of our three days there!  

The worst was the breakfast.  The resort (owned and run by French guys) only had a local cook who knew how to cook eggs one way- overcooked, fried in deep oil, with lots of salt.  As someone who likes to eat a big breakfast (and likes my eggs slightly under-cooked), I struggled for three days.  They did have a few other good dishes for lunch and dinner, even veggie dishes which made me happy....but even so, after three days, I was feeling rough.  The worst part I guess was that the resort was on an island in the middle of the lake, so there was no other option other than to eat the food they served.  But, at least I could eat.  So really, it was ok.  Except I also spent a lot of time in the bathroom, so maybe it wasn't so ok.  Eh....next time we go, we'll bring more snacks. :)    

The things we're missing out on...

OK, yes, I have pictures to share of our trip to Vang Vieng, but, I have been extremely lazy about getting down to business and writing that post!  Sorry!  I will do it soon!

But for now, I'm moved to write about something else.  There is something that comes over me nearly every autumn.  It has a lot to do with facebook.  I see pictures of my friends and their kids at pumpkin patches, dressed up for Halloween, carving pumpkins, outside with rosy cheeks running around in piles of leaves... I'm not going to lie, it makes me nostalgic, and it makes me miss home.

And now that Beni is here, it makes me wonder what we're missing out on by not being there.

Growing up in Michigan, as I did, means life revolves around the seasons because it can't not.  Maybe not quite to the extent that it did 100 years ago, because heating and housing and cars make a big difference, but....when it's summer and hot and the land is producing juicy fruits, and the water is warm you go swimming and you indulge in fresh food straight from the garden (or farmer's market)- you make the most of it, because you know it won't last.  Autumn comes and you enjoy the changing leaves, the pumpkins and apples, going for walks wearing a sweatshirt and a scarf around your neck.  Winter arrives, and it's time to play in the snow... whether sledding, or skiing or building a snowman- and enjoying thawing out when you come inside with a cup of hot chocolate.  And when spring finally arrives (after what seems like a lifetime of freezing temps) you watch nature come back to life- flowers bloom, trees bud and eventually sprout leaves, the grass turns lush and green again, you head outside for walks, maybe carrying an umbrella just in case, waiting for the day you can plant your garden, or when the farmer's market finally opens again.  When the seasons change so drastically, you can't ignore them.  And you can't not make the most of every season, because you know they only last so long.

Now, don't get me wrong- I could stand a place that had a proper winter with snow and all, but I would like it much better if it only last like 2 months- December and January- plenty for me! Alas, I don't know of any places that have a true winter which is that short.  Ah well. Until now, avoiding winter has been reason enough for me to choose warm places to live, even if it means no real seasons.  And even if it means missing out on traditions, and enjoying the special things that come with each season.

But kids change everything, don't they?  I'm sad now that Beni is missing out on pumpkin patches and hay rides, carving pumpkins, and maybe even Halloween (haven't been a big fan of Halloween since I was a kid myself- but Beni would be really cute dressed up, wouldn't she?).

I've seen some people try to recreate these traditions while living abroad- but sometimes it just doesn't work out.  I mean, Halloween in one compound with a handful of kids and a handful of houses to go to is ok.... but not the same as wandering a neighborhood all night surrounded by hundreds of other kids running around in costumes dragging pillow cases full of candy with them.  We could potentially pick up some pumpkins here, although I haven't seen any big orange ones (they are kind of squat and greenish), and we could even carve it- but it's just not quite the same when we'd be the only house as far as we know that had a pumpkin on the front stoop.  What's missing is the sense of community.... the chill in the air... the turning leaves... the hot apple cider and warm donuts!

That said, I have organized a couple very successful Thanksgivings while living abroad.  But, that is because Thanksgiving (the modern version of it) is the best holiday- it only takes being surrounded by people you love and care for, and some good food.  It helps if you can get your hands on some of the traditional ones- and in most places finding meat and potatoes isn't that hard.

It's October 24th today (Beni's 18 mos birthday, by the way!), and we spent the afternoon in the pool.  We had to wait until afternoon because midday was TOO HOT to be outside.  So thoughts of pumpkins and hot apple cider are far from my mind (until I see those darn pictures on facebook!).

Now I realize, one might argue, that even though Beni is missing out on such traditions from back home, she's gaining a lot of other knowledge and experience where she is.  I can't deny that, but I also don't think it's quite the same.  Sure, she's going to have a completely different perspective on the world someday if she remembers all of this- but, I don't know, there is no personal connection to any of it here.  We have no investment in Lao or its culture and tradition.  Even if we do embrace and join in while we're here (which I can't say we've done)- when we leave, in all likelihood, we'll leave it all behind.  And that is probably because so much of it is so very foreign to us, based in principles we don't know or identify with.  So does that mean we're all missing out in the end after all?



What's your favorite tradition for this time of year???          

Hitting the wall

There's a thing that happens when you move to a new place- in my case I'm talking about moving to a new country, but, I'm sure this might also happen just moving to a new city in your same country.  My guess though, is that you would at least have to move to a new region, a place that has a new/different culture.  

When you first arrive, you're excited, and everything is new and interesting.  You find things you like right away, and things that maybe you don't, but you find appreciation for almost everything (whether you like it or not).  Like in a new relationship, you find the little quirks of your new home endearing.

After about a month, or three, or six (generally) however, something happens.  All these little things start to wear on you a bit.  Again, like in a relationship, suddenly, that quirky little habit you used to find so endearing starts to make you absolutely crazy.  You hit the wall.

I've hit the wall.

I really like living in Lao.  I love our house.  I like our little neighborhood.  I love living down the street from family.  I enjoy Vientiane as a city.  I'm still quite happy with the shopping and food situation.

But the dogs, the driving and the "falang" have pushed me not over the edge, but into the wall.  Hard.

The dog situation is just out of control here.  The stupid beasts are everywhere.  And they are fricking stupid. They lay in the middle of the road, and watch your car approaching as though you were driving straight through the living room into their dog bed.  They bark at you and chase you for no reason.  They are just stupid dogs.  And they are stupid looking.  There are so many dogs here that have a normal sized body, and a normal sized head, but have like 2 in legs.  My SIL told me that apparently the locals don't believe in spaying and neutering because they believe it takes away the dog's spirit- and everything here revolves around pleasing the spirits.  We had a poisonous snake in our yard, and our guard didn't kill it, he threw it into the empty lot across the street.  Sigh.  So anyway...the locals don't believe in fixing dogs, or leashes or fences, so the stupid inbred dogs are everywhere being stupid, looking stupid and acting stupid.

I know I wrote about the driving already, but honestly it's like people set out to drive with the littlest amount of common sense possible.  I mean, they're not just driving fast or being assholes on the road just for fun or personal gain....they are just being STUPID.  I almost got in a car accident the other day because of a car that sat watching me approach for hours (ok, seconds), and then pulled out in front of me just as I was near enough to hit her.  I had to slam on my brakes and because it was raining, I screeched and skidded along, but thankfully stopped in time.  Driving here can be fun in that video game kind of way, but, right now, it's just pushed me to the wall.

Falang means foreigner.  When Beni and I go for walks, we hear falang being called out by pretty much every child old enough to speak, and at least every fifth adult as well.  I really want to go for walks because I want to be healthy and get out of the house and not just sit on my butt all day... but I'm getting kind of tired of feeling like a freak show.  And it stinks because, in town, there are loads of foreigners, and no one says anything, besides to offer you a tuk-tuk.  But out here, in our neighborhood, we're three of only a few foreigners, and therefore we attract attention.  And people are not mean about it.  They yell out "falang" to let everyone know that there is something to look at- and then they all stare.  And most of the time they will also smile and say hi, so they are being friendly.  But there is something about the being watched part of it all that has just pushed me straight into the wall.

The good news is, tomorrow we go on a road trip.  We're headed north about 3-4 hours to a town called Vang Vieng.  We'll spend three days and nights at a resort outside the city on a lake that offers water sports (yay for my husband getting to do something he loves!), and then we'll head into Vang Vieng itself for a few days there as well.

Usually when one hits the wall, it's a good idea to get out of the country, and to some place that feels more like home, although it doesn't have to be home.  We are not choosing that route this time, but hopefully just the change of pace, the fact that we'll be together all week, and relaxing will be enough to get me past this wall.  Because that is the other good news- the wall just has to be gotten over or around, and things move forward and ones gets to go back to loving their new home.  I know I'll be feeling fully happy about being here again soon, especially since I mostly really am still happy.  But hopefully the dogs and the driving and the falang will start rolling off my back again soon.

We'll be back in a week, hopefully with a few pictures of a different part of Lao to share!