Weeks that leave me wondering...

I'm a first time mom.  Babies aren't new to me, not by a long shot, but, my baby is new to me, as is having a baby 24/7.  And even more so, what is new to me is caring this much about something or someone other than myself.  My wonderful sister-in-law says that having a child is having your heart live outside your body for the rest of your life.  I get what she means now. 

For as much as I love my little girl to the ends of the earth... lord, can she make me crazy sometimes!  This picture was taken today, and I'm posting it because no one will ever know if she's about to laugh or about to scream at me for the 100th time today for doing goodness knows what wrong in her eyes!  You can guess, but you'll never know!

This week isn't the first one that she's gone through that has made me wonder where the heck my loving little baby went to...and why I've been left with this really unpleasant being in her place.  She's cranky, moody, tired, clingy, whiny, refusing to eat, impossible to change or get dressed, not sleeping...the list goes on!

Until a couple weeks ago I would have written it off as teeth- or wondered if it was her ears, or if perhaps, she had malaria again.  In fact, her teeth might also be bothering her right now, but, I know now, that there might also be something else going on.

A friend I met on a message board for parents recommended that I read the book The Wonder Weeks  by Van de Rijt and Plooij.  I looked it up on Amazon.com and liked what I saw.  I found more information about them on their facebook page and their website. I ordered the book.

Just a few days ago I finally received it (in case you're wondering how I might receive mail, a friend who works for a very big company here in Luanda and has mail service through them, was willing to order it for me).  When I opened to the section that addresses Beni's current age (counted by weeks) I found that it said things like, "Your child may cling to you" and "She may be moody" and "She may sleep poorly".  The list goes on for things that are in that book that EXACTLY describe what Beni is going through, but, I don't want to violate any copyright laws, so I'm going to stop quoting stuff... :)

Basically, the authors figured out through years of research that all babies go through distinct periods of development at specific times in the first couple years of life.  They call each of these periods of development a leap.  They also found that each of these leaps is generally accompanied by a few weeks of miserableness on the baby's part (well, and often, therefore the parent's, as well!).  They emphasize the 3 Cs: Crying, Clinginess and Crankiness.  But they say the reason a child is acting this way is because quite literally their world is changing overnight because of their development- it's like repeatedly waking up in a new world and having to figure it all out again!  I'd be cranky too!

The thing about this book is that it just tells you what is going on so that you might be a little more at ease.  Instead of sitting there wondering what happened to my baby and if she is EVER COMING BACK, I can see that this fussy period may well last a good month, but that once she passes 46 weeks, she should be back to her old self, except older and smarter. :)  I no longer have to sit around questioning, "Is this all my fault? Have I spoiled her?  Is there something I am doing wrong?  Something I am doing right, but not enough?"  When a book can so specifically and accurately describe what is going on with your child, it's like a breath of fresh air for a worried mamma!

I don't have huge amounts of time to read anymore, so I admit, I haven't read as much of this book as I would have liked to by now, but, I have skimmed through, and there is a chart that shows you when to expect fussy periods, and then there is a chapter on each leap.  Each chapter also includes how to recognize the fussy period and leap coming on, what to look for, how you baby may act, how YOU may react, and then what you can do to support your baby and yourself through the leap.  I've read the what to look for and how she may act part (and it's dead on, as I said), but I really need to find time to read the support part for this leap!  Beni and I both need it!

Besides Dr. Sears' The Baby Book I think this is going to be my favorite parenting/baby book.  The Baby Book was really useful to me when I was pregnant and preparing for Beni, and absolutely invaluable when she was a newborn- it validated all the parenting instincts that I had but was unsure of (because some of them are not considered mainstream appropriate).  I still reference that book fairly often, but, it is full of a different kind of knowledge.  Between these two books though, I think I might be able to sell off anything other parenting/baby books I have!   These two just cover it all for me!

I don't have anything vested in either of these books, aside from the positive experience that both have brought me... so I recommend, if you're expecting, or have a new baby at home- send someone out to get you these books!