What it's like raising your baby in Africa...

I feel like I should write this post.  I have been asked to write this post.  In fact, I think I have been asked to write several posts like this.

But I can't write this post.  Here's why.

Here is the first thing.  Babies eat, sleep, poop and play.  They do these things anywhere in the world they live (well, hopefully all babies get to eat and play, I realize there might actually be places where they don't... how thankful am I for our life!?!).  When you live with a baby, you have to do these things with the baby and it takes up lots of your day.  Because we do most of these things within our four walls, it really doesn't look any different than how you are doing it in the States or Canada or Latvia or, (I don't know that anyone is reading from any other country) well, anywhere.

We don't play outside much unfortunately because, we just don't really have a good space to play.  Now that Beni is mobile, but not walking yet, I can't just sit her down on a blanket to play.  And unfortunately the playground in our compound is not much to look at- basically one slide and one little playhouse on a piece of turf.  It sounds innocent enough, but the whole thing is crawling with giant ants.  I don't mean like, you see an ant here or there, I mean, there are giant black ants all over it... and then there are some red ones too.  Frankly, for someone like me, who doesn't much like bugs in the first place, and likes them even less around my kid, I just don't want to put Beni down on the ground there to crawl amongst the ants.  I don't know how many kinds of ants there are and how many of them bite, but, I know there are ants that live in Angola that bite, so, I'm just not taking that chance.  If she were walking, it would be different.

The other place outside where kids sometimes play is just the open lounge type area that is the ground floor of our apt building.  There are a few couches there and a fairly large open space as well... you see kids and their nannies hanging out here often.  Little girls pushing their toy strollers, older kids riding their bikes or rollerblading, little boys pushing around toy cars, etc.  I took Beni down there once to play with her and by the time she crawled around here and there- seriously, maybe for 5-10 minutes- her knees, feet and hands were so black, I had no choice but to give her a bath directly afterward!  The black needed to soak to come off!  Our building is right on a very busy street- you remember, from my post about not going for walks- so, I imagine there is a lot of soot and dust from the cars and street not to mention the foot traffic to the area.  It's not a clean floor.  So, until she's walking, it's not really a place I want her crawling around- especially not when her current m.o. is crawl, crawl, hand in mouth, crawl, crawl, hand in mouth.  Maybe I'm overprotective?  Would you let your kid crawl around in a place like that?

So, that is the first thing... and then here's the second thing.  I'm going to link to this article about being an ugly expat... read it here.  A friend of mine posted the link on facebook, and I have shared it with a number of people, because it is alarmingly accurate.  If you don't want to read it, basically, it tells you how, in 12 steps, to be the person who lives abroad and gives their home country a bad name.  That person openly rejects everything about their new country, and complains about how much better everything is back home.  That person is really not someone you want to be... but the sad thing is, it is really easy, way too easy, to become that person.

It depends on where you live of course... I don't imagine I would be quite so isolated from the local population and world if I lived in France or England.  But, when you live in a place where there are a lot of things that are in stark contrast to the place you come from, it is easy.  Not speaking the local language (Portuguese here) starts you off on the wrong foot.  Then add in that you live in a compound with (and work with) mostly other expats- so you're surrounded by expats all the time- it removes you another step.  Then add the fact that my life is so vastly different from the lives of most of the locals I might meet (people who work at the school- assistants, office staff, etc), that I don't even know what we would do together if we did try to hang out.  That sounds bad, but... it's just true.  Again, I don't think this would be the case if I was living any number of other places... but, alas, for me, it is the case here.

In the end, my contact with the local culture and world ends up being going grocery shopping.  I do it at the same places the locals do it, I have to use the local money, and often squeeze out those few Portuguese words I know.  That is the sad extent of it.  And it's not because I'm against Angola or the people who inhabit it... maybe I am lacking at being able to find connections.  I wouldn't deny it.

I did become quite friendly with my teaching assistant when I was still working.  I still visit her at school, and ask her how things are going, how her son is, etc.  When I got rid of a bunch of pre-pregnancy clothes that are sadly way too small now, I gave them all to her.  We're having a going away party in a couple weeks, and I also invited her to the party.  But she is my one connection to the locals. 

It's really easy to get down on myself for living as isolated as we do- because I really don't like the idea of being an ugly expat- it's not the kind of expat I want to be, but, all too often it just happens.  So, just to play devils advocate for myself... I have to say, moving to a new city, never mind a new country, is hard on just about anyone.  Living in a country as foreign as this is an assault on the senses.  Some days it takes all you've got to just be able to deal with how different things are- with the different sounds, smells, tastes, social norms, etc.  It's not that surprising that given the chance, one looks for other people who they can relate to, speak with easily and understandably, etc.  So, there is that as well.

So then, when I write about having a baby in Africa... in some ways it's just not so different.  When we have our play group, it is with mommies and babies that are all expats.  Currently there is myself, another American, one Venezuelan mom, and another Spanish-speaking mom whose origin I have not nailed down yet, though I know she did live in the States at one time.  So, we're a mixed group, but we're still all expats.  We speak a few different languages, but otherwise, our play group is probably the same as yours.  We get together at one mommy's/baby's house and sit in an area on the floor surrounded by toys and finger foods, watching our babies play alongside or sometimes with each other and chatting about mommy stuff- you know, what so and so is eating, how they're sleeping, what their poop is looking like... you know, mommy stuff!  The only thing that is different is that some of us (those of us who don't work for a company that gives you a massive shopping allowance) don't have as many toys as you would back home, and depending on whose house play group is at, we might have to sit in traffic for a couple hours to get there.

The last problem with writing this post at this point is that I've been here almost three years and am already in packing and leaving mode.  I moved abroad 8 years ago, and ever since, I have often said, "If you live any place long enough, it all becomes normal."  I've been in Angola long enough now, that, mostly the things I have to do here don't phase me anymore.  The fact that I have to install and remove the car seat every time I use it is annoying, but, normal (we don't have our own vehicle, but use the school's fleet of vehicles).  The fact that I can't really buy baby food in the store is also very annoying, but, something I've gotten used to (and it doesn't stop me looking in every store we ever go in to see if they've got anything I'd consider buying).  So, not only are these things fairly normal to me now, so they don't show up on my radar of things to talk about, but also, my mind is already back in the States, and thinking about Laos.  The good news is that we'll be making that transition very soon, and I am pretty sure that as soon as we get to Laos I will have gads and gads of things to write about!  My blogs always pick up speed when I'm in a new place! :)

I'll try, if my mind allows, to document a few more unique things about living here...but in the meantime...this will have to do....

Genuinely interested, what do you consider easy or hard about living and raising kids where ever you are???